I'm back!!

So above are the pictures of where I was before I deleted my whole blog and decided to not venture online anymore to blog.............I guess you are now wondering why, why did I choose to do this and where did and what was I doing for this past four years.........

At the end of my comps in 2007, I had a bit of a mental break down, which is expected due to the pressure I was under and little help I received after comp from my coach. Throughout my studies over the last three years I completed a course in Sports Psychology, which was more for my own benefit then anything else. It made me understand what I went through and why I went through it. It is probably something I am still struggling with now......I realise that as the motivation is still not back just yet.

In 2008 I decided to go to uni, we moved towns for the year and I studied as an interal student until DD arrived mid year. After her arrival I tried to lose weight once again and get back on track once more but nope no motivation at all still. I tried many times over the next six months of 2008 but still nothing happend, I quit more times then I started and that is pretty sad to say.

In 2009 I got some experience in the field of my studies and continued on with full-time work, full-time study, full-time mum, probably too much pressure once again put upon myself. Again this year I tried again, even paid for an online trainer I used previously and had great success with but she had changed and I did not get to deal direct with her, so four weeks in I just gave up and they did not send through an email even to check to see if I was ok. Once again I pulled out all my information on fitness to try and pull myself through, but again, no motivation at all.

In 2010 I ended up once again being full-time work, full-time study, full-time mum, oh and the full-time work was often away from home and with limited sleep. Still trying the best I could and trying to get back on track I once again failed, problem once again no motivation.

Now in 2011 I completed my studies in June (3.5 years to complete my degree) moved towns once again due to deciding to change my job the working away from home was not making anyone happy and I found a position with a large mining company and they also provided accomodation. So now am just limited to full-time work and being a full-time mum. You would think that the reduced stress levels would help with bringing back my motivation but nope not at all.

For the past seven weeks I have once again engaged another online trainer, the support has been great but I have struggled every single week with motivation. Just when I think I am over this hurdle I am back down to zilch motivation once more. I feel like I am torturing myself more then I am enjoying things. My measurements have been all over the show and I think it is more so from the stresses of everyday life put upon myself more then anything.

So how do I get that motivation back and why did it go? I want to enjoy working out, I want to enjoy eating clean food, I want to be happy once again, and I do not want to feel lonely anymore.

At this point in my life I am feeling more alone then ever before and I no longer want to feel like this, so I decided that I used to love blogging, I used to love the support online from those who live afar and I want my old life back once more!